We are a terrific team and often we agree on what we want.
And when we don’t, we tend to take turns supporting the other’s wants. Gail Saltz, is a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at New York Presbyterian’s Weill-Cornell Medical College.
This advice transformed every relationship in my life – not just the romantic ones.Before I knew these things, I was unintentionally holding my partner responsible for my happiness.The classic struggle of all relationships is finding the right calculus in the togetherness-and-autonomy equation.Typically, when a relationship is under stress, one of the partners asks for physical space to break the tension. The best way to incorporate space is by being proactive and providing emotional rather than physical space. And even when you do find the right one, you’ll still have your work cut out for you as you make an effort to maintain your relationship.
Finding the right person to settle down with can often feel like a very frustrating game of chance.When I learned that I’m responsible for my own happiness and when I learned how to consistently align with it, my entire world transformed.I now have the freedom to choose if and when I spend time with someone else, and I deliberately choose to spend time with others who get this, too.Thinking that they’re always going to be in a good mood and directing their affectionate attention towards me — while that may be possible during the initial stage of a relationship, is impossible to sustain long-term. If you’re looking for someone to complete you —or vice versa—you’re looking in the wrong direction for the lasting happiness, wholeness, and fulfillment that you truly seek.Wouldn’t it be better if you could find a way to feel how you want to feel regardless of what you’re partner is saying or doing?They also made clear that this only works if you are giving 90%. I definitely think about my spouse’s needs and feelings the majority of the time and try to be compromising.