My clients rarely, initially state or even recognize that they feel unworthy of love, but their behaviors tell a different story. Once in a relationship you may feel a constant need to control the other partner to make sure he stays connected and faithful to you.
In addition, you seek never ending reassurance (checking his cell phone, needing to know where he is at all times, demanding he tells you he loves you all of the time--you get the idea).
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What belies these feelings and behaviors is the fear that you are is so flawed that you cannot attract and keep a partner without monitoring and controlling him—even though these behaviors ironically push him away. Remember, you are looking for a life mate; that glass slipper is hardly one size fits all, and very few men will qualify.
Another way feeling unlovable manifests is in the choice of partner. For sure, so much of the gay male world is way too focused on looks, youth, the gym, partying, and fast hookups; so searching for Mr. However, feeling subconsciously unlovable or unworthy can again rear its head here through your choices.
Sadly, these wounds are difficult to heal, and as a result, can leave gay men with the sense that we are unlovable and thus unworthy of love, affection, and happiness.
In my clinical and personal experiences, these feelings can be so deeply hidden as to be difficult to recognize, articulate and resolve.
Nonmonogamy was a political statement, and gay rights advocates saw marriage as constrictive, patriarchal, heterocentric, flawed (perhaps due to the 50% failure rate) and therefore not worthy of pursuit, especially in light of how gay men of the era were still getting ejected from their jobs, homes, families and blackmailed and arrested for who they were.
For sure, the pendulum has swung far in the other direction.
There are things many men have to give up to be in a couple.
No problem there, but one needs to be honest with oneself about his true needs and wants and do the (hard) work of freeing oneself from societal and family pressures.
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