And what African man is supposed to take this kind of woman home to meet his African mother? Even me, an opinionated over-analyser who quotes Pumla Gqola on my Tumblr blog, would get nervous during a first date with a tall, dark and handsome African man who my mother would call “ozzband” [husband] material”. born in Abidjan, Côte d’Ivoire and raised in Washington, DC.
As the two of us would sit there getting to know each other, he’d hit me with the boom early on and say something like, “I mean the first thing I look for in a woman is her cooking skills, I like traditional women you know? I would cringe, smile and respond, “Yeah, cooking is important, having a traditional marriage is not the worst thing in the world.” But the whole time I’d be thinking, “What the hell Stephanie, there’s nothing traditional about you besides the fact that you like to eat and sauce with your hands.” But because African men don’t do feminists, I always felt the need to dumb my ideals down a bit as to not scare these brothas away. She is a blogger by night at A Black Girl in the World and a programme manager at a women’s social enterprise in Tanzania by day.
And why was it better to date a white person rather than another African?Some field digging I did a bit of digging to get the views of other people of African origin on intercultural dating.When I spoke to another Congolese person they understood me, but when I spoke to someone who didn’t speak my mother tongue, conversations couldn’t be as natural as I wanted them to be.A Ghanaian friend of mine told me “My (Jamaican) boyfriend really tried to speak my language because he realised that it was important to me.” Ethnic capital of the world For me, a twenty-something year old Congolese woman who grew up in the city of London – a city I like to call “the ethnic capital of Europe” – dating someone from a different culture was not a problem. Love blinds common sense.” “No Nigerian, Ghanaian or Jamaican man is welcome in my house. Why is it better for me to be with a white man than it is to be with a Nigerian? How many marriages do you know of people from two different African countries that have lasted till old age? I pondered those phrases: “It’s for your own good” and “stick to your own”.
Stop wasting your time; you’ll regret it when you get older. It’s for your own good”, said her mother, adamantly.Finally, he wants a nurturer, a woman ready to become a mother as soon as possible. They want a woman who will take pride in bearing multiple children, along with the breastfeeding, potty training, washing, burping and, in general, 24-hour babysitting.Now, are the aforementioned tasks and attributes a sure sign of being anti-feminist?I would prefer to date someone from the same country as me.It’s just easier.” Bridgette (25) Congolese “I don’t mind as long as I am happy and loved, that is all that matters.” Dora (28), Zimbabwe Immerse within your own culture What I found was that those who immersed themselves exclusively in their own culture (i.e mono-cultural churches, parties, gatherings) – even if they lived in a very mixed society abroad – were the ones who were adamant that it was easier and preferable to date within their own culture.I went to a secondary school that was predominantly West African and attended a university that was predominantly white, so my choices were wide and I dated a few of those choices.