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It’s difficult to get someone to open up when they’re constantly trying to dodge hidden land mines.
People take the “first dates are like an interview” thing far too literally, and questions like this are the end result. In an interview, the power dynamic is almost exclusively one sided and only one candidate is being vetted, not both.
A date is a date; it’s an opportunity to get an idea of someone’s personality and interests.
I don’t want to say “I’m looking for a relationship” and have him freak out thinking I’m trying to lock him down. If someone poses that question to me I think one of three things. If it is, take it as a red flag and politely recuse yourself. You’re absolutely right that compatibility takes time to develop.
But saying “I’m just looking to meet new people” seems so casual, and I don’t want to give off the impression that I’m just looking to hook up. All you need to do is check off the respective boxes on your profile that cover what it is you’re looking for and that’s that. An experienced well-adjusted person knows this, which is why those people never ask such questions.
I’ve checked out your blog and see that you recommend not to include what you’re looking for on a dating profile.