Paranoia dating

Such is the idea behind Investi Date, a website and series of classes that brings romance into the TSA era, teaching singles how to use public information and Internet sleuthing to vet potential romantic partners. Just met cute with the possible man or woman of your dreams?Not so fast, counsels Investi Date founder Maria Coder, a 35-year-old public relations manager from New York City.

[Couples] were arranged by families and communities. Now, people are dating on their own and single much later in life. Coder to create her courses and website in the first place. A few women had realized their significant others were being unfaithful. Coder once met a man on Craigslist whom she didn’t realize was married until their third date.

A former crime reporter, she realized her investigative journalism skills could help her more safely navigate a confusing, oft-disappointing, potentially dangerous dating landscape. Coder’s website puts it: Are you swooning over a closeted-serial killer? She also dated a man who claimed he owned a transportation company — but actually owned a pedicab. Coder originally planned to write a book about romantic investigation, only to shelve the idea in favor of pursing a romantic relationship. I always hope one day I’ll get married to a great guy who would never do that to me.

Your future significant other could have a criminal background, be married, running a financial scam or hiding a substance abuse problem. But it becomes a big deal when people lie about what they do, where they live, who they are.”The ubiquity of online dating services and social networking, Ms.

At the very least, they’re probably akin to a potential professional basketball draftee: a bit shorter and heavier in person than officially listed.“I find men often lie about their height, and whether their hair is thinning,” said Ms. “For women, it’s shaving five or ten pounds off their weight. Coder added, has made big-deal romantic deception both easier and more prevalent. News reports that con artists are using the names of real U. military personnel to create fake online dating profiles. Coder said, is to ferret out dishonest potential suitors who write to both profiles — and include contradictory details in their two romantic pitches.“It’s helped me with a couple of guys who responded to both posts,” said Jen, a 33-year-old aspiring actress and Manhattan resident who has taken Ms. “They seemed nice and genuine in one post, and then in the other they only wanted one thing — and it wasn’t my mind.”The control post idea occurred to Ms.

There’s also the story of Stephan Pittman, a convicted Maryland sex offender recently arrested for impersonating professional football quarterback Vince Young on the Internet and in Philadelphia and Washington-area night clubs in order to solicit sexual favors and fraudulent charitable contributions from star-struck, unsuspecting young women.“It’s imperative in today’s dating world that you know what you’re getting yourself into,” Ms. “You don’t really know who you’re dealing with when you meet them online — you might get an 80-year-old guy posing as a 25-year-old. Coder after she broke up with a previous dating partner, an Italian graduate student she met on Craigslist.“We had gone on several dates, and one Friday night he canceled, saying he had to study,” she said.

That in itself poses a huge safety risk.”Nothing to Hide Of course, one woman’s prudence is another woman’s hyper-vigilance, and one woman’s precautions are another woman’s intrusive, self-defeating biographical strip searches. “So I went on Craigslist, said, ‘My date just canceled, I’m all dressed up and ready to go out for drinks.’ And he responded to me!

Just be aware of the situation you’re getting into. He sent me a link to his Facebook page and asked me to investigate him.”Dating Clues During a recent class held in a Manhattan office building, Ms. If a picture was taken at a bar or restaurant that has since shut down, it’s probably old; if it’s a close-up shot, it could mean a man is shorter than he claims, or that a woman is cropping out a boyfriend; if it’s a series of vacation photos, it could mean the subject already has a significant other, because no one not named Kardashian travels with a personal photographer. 3: Input the profile’s text into the “Gender Genie,” an online algorithm that supposedly can ascertain whether a profile was written by a man or a woman.“That one is more for the guys than the girls,” Ms. “There are a lot of hookers online, but also a lot of drag queens.”When using online dating sites or Craigslist, Ms. It’s even possible to ballpark a potential partner’s income level, Ms. First, use the neighborhood they live in to figure out their ZIP code.

Coder deployed a laptop and a projector to teach her students — mostly women in their 30s — how to analyze the online profiles of prospective love matches. 1: If someone uses the word “honest” to describe him or herself, they probably aren’t. Coder advises students to set up two profiles: one of them real, the other a “control post.” While the real profile contains a person’s actual information — height, hair color, likes and so on — the control post is fabricated and exaggerated. Next, input that number into a website that supplies corresponding rent levels. “Look, I know the economy is tough and that New York is expensive.

Finally, divide the rent figure by the suitor’s number of roommates, then multiply that figure by 40 — in New York, renters are supposed to have an annual income 40 times their monthly rent.“I started thinking, ‘How do you know that you won’t become some unemployed guy’s meal ticket? I’d rather date a guy who has nothing and works his way to what he has.

If you’re out there flipping burgers because you lost your job, I respect that.

“It was hilarious because he used to make jokes about me trying to trap him into a marriage someday. Coder] teaches gives you more peace of mind than anything else,” she said. “I realized that by dating, I was just meeting random people telling me what they wanted to tell me,” Ms. One woman dated a man for months before discovering he was an alcoholic.