If a man dares to be seen with a trans woman, he will likely lose social capital so he must adamantly deny, vehemently demean, trash and/or exterminate the woman in question.He must do this to maintain his standing in our patriarchal society.Several years into our marriage, even as we were pursuing the idea of returning to Honduras as missionaries with the Presbyterian Church in America, we visited an adoption agency in Mississippi, where we were living at the time.
Those questions regarding Aaron’s sexuality are constant and fraught with assumptions that this essay can’t begin to unpack, and for a man less secure it can be difficult navigating these questions, especially if you also perceive the women you’re attracted to as shameful, as less-than-human objects you must keep secret at all costs.
It’s important that we begin truly accepting trans women as who they are, women.
A man’s desire for my body, my brain, my brilliance and my existence is not a laughing matter because I am not a joke.
RELATED VIDEO: I appear with Laverne Cox on Huffpost Live to discuss loving trans women When I met my boyfriend Aaron and disclosed that I am trans, he did not question his sexuality.
It sounds like silliness on the surface, but often times when gossip blogs are the public’s only exposure to trans women, it spreads misinformation, validates stereotypes and causes irreparable damage.
When a man can be shamed merely for interacting with a trans women – whether it be through a photograph, a sex tape or correspondences — what does this say about how society views trans women? This pervasive ideology says that trans women are shameful, that trans women are not worthy of being seen and that trans women must remain a secret — invisible and disposable.
Until we begin checking how we delegitimize the identities, bodies and existence of trans women and stigmatize the men who yearn to with us, we will continue to marginalize our sisters, pushing them further into socially-sanctioned invisibility, left in the dark to fend for themselves with men who don’t have the space to explore, define and embrace their attraction to various women. Be respectful of people’s identities, bodies and pronouns.
Misgendering, slurs, threats, anti-trans rhetoric and/or outright ignorance will not be tolerated.
These sweet girls will hopefully soon be coming home to meet their 3-year-old African-American brother and 2-year-old biracial sister, both of whom we adopted as infants.
The normalcy of this paragraph is something I have come to take for granted.
As I have made the stroll from my wife’s hospital room to the NICU these past few days it has been hard to fathom the way that our family has been put together.