"But if everyone you fancy is in a relationship, or you can’t face singledom any longer, you might not be in such a hurry to close down your only current option." However, I think that the motivation behind texting people we don’t like comes down to more than wanting to feel good and keep your options open; it’s also about boredom.It seems like we need to be stimulated every second, be it scrolling through Instagram feeds, reading countless Whats App messages, or “swiping right” on Tinder.
Nathan Davies, a 23-year-old music producer from east London, serial dater, and advocate of ghosting, says: "As soon as I go on a first date, I’ll know that it’s not really going anywhere, but I just keep texting and meeting up because they’re attractive.I think I give the impression I like them, which is bad, and then I end it by just ignoring them" These are the same actions that I hear my friends, both guys and girls, complain about.They come home with a twinkle in their eye, gushing about how much chemistry there was with their date, only to have their texts met with silence.When I ask Davies why he chooses ghosting over honesty, he replies: "I’m scared of awkward situations. By ignoring them you can end it without any bother." Davies says he has never bumped into someone he has ghosted. On this occasion, a guy, let’s call him Andy, was cancelling on me for the fourth time. Sure, I was getting the picture, but he would have saved us both a lot of time if he had just been straight with me.
" I don’t know how many times I’ve stared at my battered i Phone 4 screen with complete bemusement after receiving a text like this.
We are social animals and we need the approval of other social animals," she says. Tell them you’re not available and then leave it on a positive note so they don’t go away with a bad taste in their mouth thinking ‘I’m a failure, nobody wants me’." To get an anecdotal idea of how people prefer to be let down, I asked a group of 21 to 28 year-olds to rank their preferred way of having someone tell them they aren’t interested, between being told the truth, being diffused with a white lie, ignored, or strung along.
The general consensus out of the 23 interviewees was that the truth was the most dignified way of letting someone down, but everyone agreed that this had to be done carefully so as not to upset the other person. One participant, Clara Downs, a 24-year-old adminstration assistant, said she “preferred a s*** lie” to being ignored or strung along because she likes to have a "definitive ending." People’s views were mixed on ghosting.
"The reason you string them along is that there’s no-one else on the horizon.
If you’re in high demand you wouldn’t think twice about wasting that person’s time any longer.
In his book He writes: "Unlike old-fashioned relationships, they [modern relationships] seem to be made to the measure of a liquid modern life setting where ‘romantic possibilities’ are supposed and hoped to come and go with ever greater speed and never in thinning crowds".